My Demons

Demons haunt all of us. They follow you around like ghosts in the night and the sun in the sky. They become part of our soul, embedded in the shadows that we can't escape. To tell the truth, sometimes I envy those who claim to be free of their demons, though I secretly wonder if they are lying or just ignore them. For most of us, we fight our Demons, often daily. Sometimes we can see them as they are for what they are and the ways they drag us down into the darkness. But often we don't even recognize them or that they are there; always watching, waiting, lurking in the darkness just in the edge of the shadows. Some people strive to fight them off. Most people however just try to hold them at bay. For me, when they come I let them engulf me like sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
When I was younger I hated that darkness and fought to keep it away. I couldn't stand the numb that came with it and the rage that was left behind when it faded away, even the feelings of severe pain were more enjoyable than that empty cold numbness. Now that I'm older I feel like most days we have come to an understanding. In some ways, I've even grown to like the darkness and that numbing cold. It keeps the raging inferno mostly subdued like a pot that simmers instead of erupting like a valcano. I've also grown to see the darkness as a blessing in disquize. There is a quote by Mary Oliver that states it simply. /// For me, the blessings of my demons is that I feel like I appreciate things in my life more. I cherish them while I have them. It helps me better see things, others actions and choices, even the world just as they actually are with all the ebb and flow that turns with the tide that, in turn, drives me to be better and try harder. They are the reason I'm more determined and consider things carefully before I make a choice.
In the darkness is the only place I find silence and solitude from the noisy chaos that is life. In the darkness, everything feels raw like its what is actually real. The vibrations and connections ( that link the world like a colored, electrical, musical spiders web) are more easily seen and felt. That darkness has taught me to cherish the Honest Truth and our Demons Proudly wear these truths like a badge of honor. it has shown me a side of the world long forgotten deemed now to be a myth or fantasy by current social views. How brightly the stars shine when they laugh and the whispered secrets from the wind remind me of the things trees have seen in their lifetime and that while Time is precious it is also irrelevant. The Darkness my Demons bring, its part of me of the very being of who I am. My imperfections, my secrets, and hidden truths. Even though at times they overwhelm me and hold my head under the water while I struggle for air; my demons are steadfast, they are always there. My anchor in the sea and my shelter in a strom, I know they won't abandon me. When I collapse they are what drive me to stand back up no matter how hard nor how painful it is. My Demons are the most reliable part of my life. Like lovely little stalkers, they are always there and that is why I Love my Demons so dearly. Even when everyone else does my demons never let me down.
I hope someday that I will meet someone special enough to show them to and I hope I'm worthy enough to see theirs as well.

I Am But A Dream

I am but a daydream, a useless waster of time. In the beginning, there is nothing, just a blank world of nothing. I always start out the same way. Bright of dark, white or black, loud or quiet. Everything is completely blank like an untouched canvas. In an instant, sounds and color flood this room with brilliant, beautiful coloration; fluctuating bright and dark, hues and shades of any color that dares to be imagined. Shapes and figures start to become clear, more focused making the scene a shining, luminous, crystalline picture. Immediately, the first sounds start to be heard. at first, quite, then they grow until they are booming, loud noisy, an exciting array of sounds and emotions being to flood your mind filling to the brim like a bowl about to overflow. Then, all of a sudden, I'm just the way you want me to be. Before you know it, you're off on a flying lesson, maybe swimming the depths of the ocean, or just off on a sight seeing an adventure with a someone you love. All of a sudden, as you reach for an object, it slowly slips through your grasp, and you plummet from the world you made. as it crumbles beneath you, you just slowly fall forever. You brace waiting for me to get loud and bright any moment but instead, you descend into total silence. Everything goes dark disappearing into the Black Hole, into the very thicket of time. You blink and then here you are, you've ended up back where you started, in the beginning............... frozen, in a moment in time.

The Things that Breed our Love Affiars

Hear in this place of beauty, that with Inspiration calls to me. The Sun is HOT and Water is cold but the wind is soothing as it blows through the trees that smell so sweet like flowers in the open field, from the tall Mountain TOP. This breeze that carries my Hopes and Dreams through the stars on a Solar flair to the Depths of this Black hole filled Sea that covers the Sky which lays over me. Sprinkled with dust that Flows like glitter and RiPpLeS like waves in my own River. Once again just like water I've ended up where I once began in this place of Infinite beauty. This place where I rest my head and listen to the ever increasing whispers from the giggling StArS.

The Secrets of Tears and Gifts of Freedom

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ; Antoine de Saint-Exupery

This is a secret place and yet it's someplace we all know about. We have all been here at some point in our lives. It’s a place we come to grieve for our losses. It is a place that becomes our own and makes us feel safe. It's a place that relieves pressure and allows us to just let go of the pain that life brings. And yet when you look around it is not a barren or desolate place. Its wonderful, lush and full of so much beauty. Thousands of years shedding wet salty tears have given us this miraculous place with an ocean view. The tears shed have encouraged the sky to pour down tons of fresh water with us. Making the ground we kneel on, green with soft sweet grass. Flowers of all shapes, sizes and bright colors bring our surroundings to captivate us with their aroma and beauty. Trees tower to the sky above us as if in a race with each other, to touch the stormy clouds above. They seem so brave as the lightning dances around them like fire in the winds. The booming sounds of thunder the bass and drums in a sweet symphony that surrounds us. The waves beat the soft sand in a rhythm the rest can't refuse to play along to. Can you hear the song this place sings? The time feels frozen in a twilight. If you sit still and listen you can hear the whispers of every tear and the secrets they hold. Of every person who has come and bared their heart and soul to pour forth all their painful secrets. When you can't cry anymore tears and you have let out all the pain and grief, you can feel the atmosphere shift. The sky gives way to a sunset and the tune that plays changes as the sky grows dark. Till the fiery air has become the darkness its self-lit by the moon in all her glory. One by one her children join her in the sky so it looks as though the darkness has been replaced by a mountain of glowing glitter. You breathe the cool crisp air in deeply and feel the peace sweep over you. The panic and fear you once had, has been washed away. In a moment of clear thought and enlightenment, you know the single secret all tears share. In this place we find peace, we have been given freedom. In this secret place, I have been liberated from the oppression of society and the weight of the world that it come with. So will you come with your grief and burdens, your fear and desperation, your painful sorrow? Let this place that feeds on these things thrive. In return, it gives us this filling peace and thanks us with freedom.  How can you pass up a gift like this?

Seven Seconds

All it takes is seven seconds. Seven seconds to turn your would upside down. Seven seconds to decide on a lie or the truth. Seven seconds to choose who your friends are, or to motivate yourself. Just seven seconds. It only takes seven seconds to choose who you're going to be. Whether or not the world is looking. Whether or not your being judged. ONLY SEVEN SECONDS! The world changes in the blink of an eye. Its spins so fast that most of the time we feel like it's out of control then panic sets in, so we rush and fumble. During a traumatic event, our instincts kick in. In seconds our brains and bodies know exactly how to react. Some of us have trained reflexes others are just born with it. But in less than seven seconds they are in use, Its like a slow motion reel of someone turning on a light switch, like watching time slow almost to a stop. Once it's on we can see the world in the clearest perspective. Like magic sunglasses that when they are put on everything makes sense, it's all so clear that the questions and worries vanish as if they never existed. What runs through your mind is REACT. Years of training kick in, because they have become instinct, we are trained our whole lives. The world is our teachers. Our parents, our friends, our family, our enemies, our bosses, our classmates, even our siblings and neighbors. During the process of reaction, it feels like a lifetime, as if your floating. You see the world in freeze frame moments. The adrenaline is coursing through your body like a fresh drug. You can feel it course through all your veins in an instant. When it reaches back to your brain you feel extremely vulnerable and yet bulletproof at the same time. When it is over it feels like seconds, then shock kicks in. Panic floods you again with millions of questions. Can I breathe? Can I move? Am I ok? Where am I? What happened? Do I need to move? What do I do Now? Seven seconds can be a lifetime if something traumatic happens. It feels as if you have seen Death whether he was grim or an angle, you saw him and it changes your view on life. It changes your world and makes u numb to reality. Like your drifting in a controllable dream. In this time frame, you can see the truth like it was clear crystal as in poured out like a river into the ocean. Unfortunately, it is a gift that is only temporary. It fades away back into the bleak reality that is life and you won't realize it until it's long gone. You will wonder what you did with the time that you were given this gift. What you choose to do with what you see shows the kind of person you are. Not just to yourself but to the world. Even when you think no one is looking. I know who I am and why I choose to be this way. I will find a way to remember it forever. So the question is Who Are You? What's the real reason you choose to be the way you are? It only takes Seven Seconds to change who you are, your whole world and how you see it in all those shades and colors.

This is a Place with No Name

There is a place. A place that has many places, it’s a world within worlds. It's not heaven nor hell or earth but somewhere else somewhere in between. Some place we will all visit in due time. This place helps us learn, it helps us grow. It's some place that is not asleep it's also not awake…This place is a place of dreams. Where ALL Wishes are herd. Where Whispers echo. This is a place that the stars dance. A place so full of wonder and imagination that we forget to remember. We forget to remember things like the past what the future would have held and what our present was for us, to us. Some are lucky enough to find it as children. Lost on an adventure to faraway places. Our Innocence was our doorway to this wonderful world. For many of us, we won't see it till we've grown older and forgotten what it really means to be young and innocent. To play pretend. There are those whose can remember what it was like, that time so long ago when we were all children. There are those who learn of other doorways to this world, this places with its many places. A great many writers of old kept its memory for many long years. Like it was part of their soul. They are the gatekeepers of this place. With all its beauty and imagination. They tell us of the adventures that the trees told them. Adventures of far away places and amazing things. Some are sad and others full of suspense. These gatekeepers told us of worlds we could visit if we would open our minds to the magnificent UNKNOWN! Places like Neverland, and Narnia, meet people like the Mad Hatter and Merlin. There are those of us who have died come back because it was not yet their time: they have told us as adults there lie angels in wait to show us delightful things, to tell US stories long since forgotten. But in time we all forget as if the world takes it from us to give one last surprise when our time comes. It is a gift, something to keep us safe in memory, of those who loves us when are left behind. Only the gatekeepers and those from that other place remember that it is there, long after its memory has faded from our minds. But…. Once you have been there; it feels as if part of it attaches to your soul and deep down in the forgotten shadows of memory in the unconscious part of your mind, behind a hidden door in your heart, it waits in a room filled with lights from stars that dance to the song of wishes and sing with the whispered secrets we once heard in such a lovely place so long ago. This is a place with no name for nothing can describe it. So it shall be the nameless place till the end of time itself.

The Book of Ages Keeps the Only Secrets

It's called a secret because no one can keep it.. and why should they? It builds like a spiders web of lies, that in turn play like knocked over dominoes, falling through the sands of time to end up in the book of ages. the book of ages is in a lost place that can't be found in the forest that can't be named on the mountain where the wanderers and lost roam. It writes every breath you take and every move you make and can never be changed. Don't do something you will regret.. just make mistakes because those can be learned from and those steps can be changed in future actions to show how you became a better person. Though in case you ever find it go down to the beach of the lovers and lonely and kiss a turtle. It will give you good luck and helpful advice.