My Demons

Demons haunt all of us. They follow you around like ghosts in the night and the sun in the sky. They become part of our soul, embedded in the shadows that we can't escape. To tell the truth, sometimes I envy those who claim to be free of their demons, though I secretly wonder if they are lying or just ignore them. For most of us, we fight our Demons, often daily. Sometimes we can see them as they are for what they are and the ways they drag us down into the darkness. But often we don't even recognize them or that they are there; always watching, waiting, lurking in the darkness just in the edge of the shadows. Some people strive to fight them off. Most people however just try to hold them at bay. For me, when they come I let them engulf me like sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
When I was younger I hated that darkness and fought to keep it away. I couldn't stand the numb that came with it and the rage that was left behind when it faded away, even the feelings of severe pain were more enjoyable than that empty cold numbness. Now that I'm older I feel like most days we have come to an understanding. In some ways, I've even grown to like the darkness and that numbing cold. It keeps the raging inferno mostly subdued like a pot that simmers instead of erupting like a valcano. I've also grown to see the darkness as a blessing in disquize. There is a quote by Mary Oliver that states it simply. /// For me, the blessings of my demons is that I feel like I appreciate things in my life more. I cherish them while I have them. It helps me better see things, others actions and choices, even the world just as they actually are with all the ebb and flow that turns with the tide that, in turn, drives me to be better and try harder. They are the reason I'm more determined and consider things carefully before I make a choice.
In the darkness is the only place I find silence and solitude from the noisy chaos that is life. In the darkness, everything feels raw like its what is actually real. The vibrations and connections ( that link the world like a colored, electrical, musical spiders web) are more easily seen and felt. That darkness has taught me to cherish the Honest Truth and our Demons Proudly wear these truths like a badge of honor. it has shown me a side of the world long forgotten deemed now to be a myth or fantasy by current social views. How brightly the stars shine when they laugh and the whispered secrets from the wind remind me of the things trees have seen in their lifetime and that while Time is precious it is also irrelevant. The Darkness my Demons bring, its part of me of the very being of who I am. My imperfections, my secrets, and hidden truths. Even though at times they overwhelm me and hold my head under the water while I struggle for air; my demons are steadfast, they are always there. My anchor in the sea and my shelter in a strom, I know they won't abandon me. When I collapse they are what drive me to stand back up no matter how hard nor how painful it is. My Demons are the most reliable part of my life. Like lovely little stalkers, they are always there and that is why I Love my Demons so dearly. Even when everyone else does my demons never let me down.
I hope someday that I will meet someone special enough to show them to and I hope I'm worthy enough to see theirs as well.